Posted under The Horse's Mouth
Phil: There’s an issue on the Widget Sales* site.
Steph: There are lots of issues on the Widget Sales site. We’re still working on it.
Phil: Just letting you know…
Steph: That’s like pointing out that a fish is dead at red tide.
*This is not a real site.
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
This morning, as Aharon got out of bed and headed to the kitchen for coffee:
Aharon: *ppphhhbbbbbbbrrt*
Steph: Did you just fart under the covers?!
Aharon: That was to make sure you get out of bed.
Steph: Nice. Scorched bed policy. Smells like General Sherman himself blazed a a path through our bedroom.
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
This week I was assigned a product launch somewhere in the middle of the project, which left me with significant catching up to do. The project involves partnering with other companies in my industry, so naturally, concern #1 is protecting our interest. When determining how much to spend on a marketing effort, one of the factors is ensuring that marketing dollars will be used effectively. Ideally, this is what happens when the stars align and your campaign efforts are fruitful:
If you hand off part of the sales process to another company though, and you fail to identify all the ways in which you could lose the sale, you wind up with this scenario:
Luckily for me, I found late Friday that all holes were already identified and sealed. Eureka! Relief for the weekend is mine! But at least I can re-purpose my educational doodles and share them with you.
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
| [Aharon]: | What was all the racket down there? |
| [Steph]: | I cleaned out the fridge. Something I think used to be broccoli almost bit me. |
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
Technically, there’s no wetness involved – unless you count all the sweat clinging to your person after you consume a fresh, hot, spicy Taco Bus burrito.
Apparently, there’s a contest for a T-shirt design for our local Taco Bus here in Seminole Heights. Mi amigo Shawn has the lowdown on his blog, MySeminoleHeights.com. So I felt that I had to attempt something. Something. Here’s a tiny version of my first attempt, subject to modification:
Potential verbiage:
I am well aware that these really suck, but that’s the creative process; and I’m leaving myself exposed here by posting this concept in its current state. Really. I feel naked. So please post ideas for improvement or redesign (unless you’re participating directly), and I’ll make sure you’re on the guest list when I win the party and T-shirts for 30 at the Taco Bus.
P.S. Yes, I know this makes the second post in a row that depicts a sombrero and uses the Spanish randomly. This is just a coincidence.
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
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Stay warm this weekend, and try a cup of hot cocoa that will punch you in the throat. My grandfather showed me how to make hot cocoa as a kid, and the stuff out of a packet is downright gross after you’ve had the real stuff. This is my favorite “Mexican” variety. Makes a single cup in under 5 minutes. DO IT! Ingredientes:
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Directiones:
In a pourable, Pyrex measuring cup, microwave your almond milk for three minutes. (Less if it’s real milk, and watch it – the proteins make that stuff boil over into a sticky mess for you to clean up.)
While that’s heating, mix dry ingredients together in a cup or mug. Pour just a little of the hot milk into your dry stuff – enough to make a dark syrup. Blend that together until you’re lump-free.
With your left hand, pour the rest of the milk into the cup. Your right hand should be stirring. Add the vanilla, then taste the hot wonderfulness that is my grandfather’s cocoa.
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
One of the many rules I’m supposed to follow whilst serving as a life pod for the offspring is “do not consume undercooked meat.” I can live without sushi, but at a quality steak joint, that just sucks. I assume Aharon was tired of hearing about it when he apprised the table of this piece of pregnant dining history:
A hundred years ago, pregnant women chased down cows in the field and ate straight from their guts. Just order the steak the way you like it.
Since that’s about the time the Titanic sailed, they probably chowed down on that hot flesh daintily.
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
I arose early this morning to make my instant decaf mocha, only to find that for the second time this month, my hot cup of yumminess contained an unwelcome smattering of sugar ants. The last time this happened, I spent 30 minutes attempting to identify the source: certainly not the almond milk, and they would be visible in the sugar. I checked the cocoa, the instant coffee, and even the pinch of cinnamon i added. Nothing.
This time, after another 30 minutes of searching, I finally determined the little buggers had infested my cocoa. Still can’t see them in the tin, but with a little warm water and milk, they came clean and floated to the top. UGH.
I completed a fourth cup, sans cocoa, added the cinnamon, and headed upstairs. Either I still saw what I think to be ants, or I’m completely ant paranoid from this 
experience. Either way, I wasn’t going to let them win. I just drank them. I’m guessing my digestive system looks something like this now:
Oh yes – I’ve got my own tot brewing in there too, ready to take revenge on hoards of sugar ants in his future. So THERE, ants!
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
For all of you out there who have delayed your Christmas shopping until this last, frenzied week, I’d like to share an idea my friend Ryan and I stumbled upon accidentally during a conversation about how we would spend our holidays:
[Ryan:] I could work on building my self-sustaining compound. Get in touch with my Amish roots.
[Me:] You’re Amish?! Too cool. Can you give me pointers on my butter churning skills? I have room for improvement there…
[Ryan:] I have no Amish skills. I did buy my brother a beear making kit once though.
[Me:] Bear or beer? A bear making kit includes two bears, one of each gender. That’s a serious gift kit, with a lot of responsibility.
[Ryan:] Beer. Typo.
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
[Boss]: We’re all having a laugh over here at your expense.
[Me]: At my expense? 
[Boss]: Well, at your blog. Everyone is laughing at my lack of neck.
[Me]: That’s how I identify you. You seemed to like the first one so much, I thought I’d stick with it.
[Me]: At least I didn’t give you a tiny head. I’m saving that one for someone special.
[Boss]: Who?
[Me]: I don’t know yet. But when I do, I’m sure I’ll leave off his/her name. 
