Posted under The Horse's Mouth
[Boss]: We’re all having a laugh over here at your expense.
[Me]: At my expense? :o(
[Boss]: Well, at your blog. Everyone is laughing at my lack of neck.
[Me]: That’s how I identify you. You seemed to like the first one so much, I thought I’d stick with it.
[Me]: At least I didn’t give you a tiny head. I’m saving that one for someone special.
[Boss]: Who?
[Me]: I don’t know yet. But when I do, I’m sure I’ll leave off his/her name. ;o)
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
[Shawn]: Anyone interested in leaving the game after the first inning and heading to the Dubliner?
[Sasha]: I’m in! Are we allowed do that? I don’t want to look like a dink to the rest of the team, but sitting through four hours of baseball is about as fun as gouging my eyes out with a dead squirrel.
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
[Jon, aka Shrek]: There are 24 exit signs on this floor. There are only two stairwells. Who thought that was a good idea? There are 10 within view of my desk. They all point in different directions!
[Shawn]: Steph tampers with them after you leave at four, so that in the event of a fire, you will surely get confused/flustered and burn.
[Me]: Mmmm…. Jonfire. Sounds like “bonfire.”
[Jon]: That’s sick and twisted. But I expect that from you.
[Me]: Why thank you. Here’s for your cube wall collection:
Posted under Request
I would like to see a picture of aliens enjoying the aforementioned haggis that you wrote about it.
Make it so! Puhleeze?
- Matt
Dear Matt,
In my experience with aliens, they do not enjoy the Haggis. They prefer your entrails.
-Stephanie
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
Dear makers of Program Flea Control,
Thank you for providing an excellent flea control product. We have observed the flea population decline over the past month. Hooray!
We are a bit concerned about a sudden, alarming decrease in the soft belly fur of Stripe, accompanied by noticeably perkier nipples than generally deemed appropriate for a neutered male feline. In fact, it’s downright offensive - the surrounding tissue even appears engorged.
We were hoping that you may have some information and/or solutions to this issue; preferably before Stripe begins lactating.
Yours in earnest,
Stephanie
Posted under Musing
Some days, the office building uses a bit more air conditioning than it should.
Posted under Musing
You may detect a stronger scent
In places where my time was spent;
I departed today
In a casual way,
Quite neglecting to use deodorant.
Posted under Musing
Once upon a time, a day after the latest sheep was slaughtered, a Scottish gent said to his fellow clan members,
“Weh cannut jeest throo aweh thees shehp carrrcass - there’s meat upon the booones leaft to be hahd! Let’s teahk the innarrrds, screap oot the remnants of the heead and oother parrrts which noo mahn shoould eaht, and grrrind eht ahl t’getharrr. Thehn let’s boil barrrley, and mix thaht with the grrroooound innarrrds! Weh must ahl be cerrtain NOOT t’ aahd ANNEH FLAVORRRR whatsooevarrrr! Ahfter thaht, let’s teahk the innarrrds and barrrley mixturrrre, STOOFF it in t’ tha stomach we pulled ooout from the shehp carrrcass, ahnd BOIL it until noot eevn the moost eeeevil of demons would DARRRRE to touch it! Thehn let’s EEEAT it with as much meade as we can consume! Weh should call it HAGGIS!”
This historically accurate information is brought to you courtesy of Kat (shown), who recently reminded me of it. The two are otherwise unrelated.
Check out Kat’s blog at www.mysinglemomlife.com for a ton of freebies and giveaways (I just spied a link to a Cuisinart Food Prep giveaway and am all over it), movie and product reviews, and other information of useful, thoughtful and entertaining nature. From child support issues to those generous folk who over-share their bass, she covers it.
Posted under Request
Hi Stephanie,
I’m on the hook to create a business risk dashboard for work. My boss is expecting lots of bells and whistles and I don’t know what to do! Help!
Thank you,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You’re in luck. I recently submitted this design concept (click to enlarge) to our web development team to track and estimate the success of my own projects. Feel free to piggy-back off of my work - I hope it will suit your needs with minor customization.
-Stephanie
Posted under The Horse's Mouth
It’s 3:30 PM. You hear fellow office dwellers scurrying for their chosen late workday fix. Some grab a cigarette. Some have a twisted need to beef up their caffeine intake before hitting rush hour traffic. But perhaps the most addictive fix is the mini chocolate chip cookie. Today, I offer an important service to the snack-sized cookie addict: a complete review and comparison of Mini Chips Ahoy and Famous Amos.
Your first thought may be that it doesn’t matter - a cookie is a cookie, and b’gosh, we’ll eat what we can get. But as you can see in the illustration below, the differences couldn’t be more apparent.
A visual inspection reveals that the Chips Ahoy cookie is smaller, bearing slightly lighter-colored chips than its counterpart. Extensive tasting, including blind tasting by four experts, yielded these results:
TEXTURE: Famous offers a lighter, yet crisper texture. Fewer crumbs than Mini Chips Ahoy.
CHIP CONCENTRATION: Concentration and even distribution of chips was even-steven after test completion.
COOKIE FLAVOR: Higher levels of both salt and sugar are detectable in the cookie (non-chip) component of the Mini Chips Ahoy. Famous Amos delivers more delicate buttery flavor. The contrasting chip/cookie flavors of Famous are teasing to the palette, as opposed to the slightly overwhelming combo in the Mini Chips.
Based on this scientific data, and on which bag was emptied first, my team submitted this report at 1 a.m. Sunday morning after a final, grueling test session:
I’m not sure what the gratuitous smiley is for, but I accepted it in the name of impartiality.